


Such a Heavenly View

by TheUKAmazingDan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 1910s, Alternate Universe - Downton Abbey Fusion, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blindness, Bottom!Dan, Downton Abbey - Freeform, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Historical AU, Homophobia, Hospitals, M/M, Physical Disability, Rimming, Smut, War AU, World War I, top!phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 18:34:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8589298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUKAmazingDan/pseuds/TheUKAmazingDan
Summary: Hoping to escape the front lines, Phil Lester quits his job and trains with the medical corps, months before the war started. When all is not what he thought it would be, and a small tragedy occurs, he finds himself back home as a volunteer at a war hospital. He meets someone, someone unexpected, who offers him a heavenly view of his circumstances and helps him believe that just maybe the world isn't so bad after all.---based on the television drama Downton Abbey.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Bonjour, mon amies! I wasn't expecting to post this before I posted the next section of Boy That You Love, but I am excited nonetheless. Okay, enjoy the story!

The trenches vibrated as shotguns blasted into the dirt around us, sending dirt flying into the air. My arms ached under the weight of a wounded young man's body that we were transferring to a safer area. The blood soaking into the front of his uniform indicated that he probably wouldn't survive, but moving his body wasn't completely for his own sake. 

Keeping the trenches unclogged was more for the living. Looking down while you stumble away from the blasts of a shotgun only to see dead eyes and blood dripping down a man's chin wouldn't do very much to keep up a morale. Almost all of the men, or should I say boys, that I had transferred today had been killed pretty cleanly. They had all been killed by a shot to the head that would have taken their life immediately, so I couldn't suspect much pain or suffering.

Knowing that most didn't go that cleanly had done quite a number on my psyche. 

A particularly harsh spray of shots just in front of me sent us down to the ground, crouching down beside the wooden walls of the trench. I let out a grunt as another wave of rounds sent a spray of fresh dirt over me. 

"You know, Lester," the man I was working with began, lighting up a cigarette, "When I volunteered at the beginning of the war to be in medical, I thought I'd avoid getting out here in worse spots." He commented with a humorless chuckle. "Here," he said, handing me his lit cigarette. "You look like you could use this." He was tall and had brown mustache adorning his face. His eyes were a pleasant hazel, and mud was smeared all over his uniform. 

"Thank you." I muttered croakily, taking the simple gift and bringing it to my lips. It had been a few months since I had smoked. Regarding my uniform, I was in similar circumstances, with mud covering my clothes and a fine layer of dust covering my entire body. 

"It's no problem." He said, straightening up a bit. "I thought I would get out of the draft with medical, but look where we are -" He began, but his words were cut short as a bullet whizzed through the air and hit his head. 

"Oh my God!" I screamed, scrambling away from his body as he crumpled to the ground, dead. The cigarette fell from my mouth on onto the ground and immediately went out. I began to shake as I looked at him, blood trickling from his ear. "Oh my God!" I repeated shrilly, hugging myself and closing my eyes. 

"Get up, soldier! Help me get these bodies out of here!" A deep voice yelled from behind me, but I was only capable of rocking myself back and forth. 

"Soldiers!" The voice boomed again, this time I assumed he was talking to someone else. His voice was loud like the sound of bombs dropping, and it frightened me.

A hand grabbed my arm and helped me up to my feet, but I barely registered it as I was still in shock. My mind was reeling as the person pulled me away from the bodies. My vision started going fuzzy and I leaned forward, then my world went black as gunshots and screams could be heard all around me. 

\---

It was dark in the trenches. 

That was my first thought when I came to after I had passed out from the shock of seeing my fellow soldier shot through the neck. I groggily sat up, only to realize that I was lying in a small nook not far from where I had fallen. I exited from the small cranny and listened for any noise. 

It was quieter now, the only sounds being the occasional stomping of heavy boots on the ground or the whispers exchanged between comrades late at night. Everything in my body was screaming one thought: get out. 

I looked around to see if anyone was watching, then quietly slipped away from where I was, down the long winding trenches and into the darkness. I avoided all areas of light, deciding that I would need to be in a dark place to carry out my plan. I found an empty stretch of trench and fell back against one of the sides, my knees buckling under my weight. 

I took in a deep breath as I pulled my knees to my chest. I tried to huff, but the only thing that escaped my mouth was a choked sob. I couldn't believe I was really going to do this. If any of my authorities knew what I was doing, I would have been shot for cowardice on the spot. Tears fell down my cheeks and I looked up to the sky at the stars. 

"Dear Lord," I began, tears running down my cheeks, "Please deliver me from these trenches! Please save me from these terrible circumstances I have put myself in." I sobbed, staring at the brilliant constellations up in the sky. 

I reached into my pocket on the side of my uniform and pulled out my lighter. I took a shaky breath, then lit it and held it up in the air, over the trenches. It would be very visible to the Germans, but that was what I wanted. This was my only chance of surviving, and I knew that. 

My hands shook violently, and I held my breath. A single gunshot could be heard in the silent night, and suddenly my hand felt like it was on fire. I let out a quiet huff as tears began to fall down my cheeks. 

"Oh my Lord," I whimpered in pain, "Thank you for your deliverance and mercy!" I gasped, then brought my hand down to clutch it to my chest. I sobbed quietly as I cradled my wounded hand. "Thank you." I whispered into the dark of the night, looking up at the constellations in the velvet sky. The first I saw was Libra, or the scales. 

A sinking feeling started to grow in my stomach. My judgement was coming. 

\---

"Corporal Lester?" A voice asked from behind me. 

"Yes?" I responded, turning around, only to come face to face with the Sargent. "Yes, sir!" I corrected myself, and saluted to him, planting my feet at the appropriate distance apart and staring straight ahead. 

"At ease." He commented casually. 

I let myself relax and brought my gloved hand to clasp my ungloved one. After my injury, I had come back to my hometown and started to volunteer at the hospital where I had started my training. I had come to the head doctor of the hospital, who was now my Sargent, before the war and requested to be in the medical corps in an attempt to stay off of the front lines. That had obviously not gone as plan. We were currently standing in one of the long white hallways that led to one of the many rooms that held disabled soldiers. 

Some were missing arms and legs, others were burned beyond recognition, and many were paralyzed, stuck inside of their minds forever. They all covered their injuries as best they could in an attempt to hide what we all knew was, or in some cases, wasn't there. In regards to myself, I kept my injured hand inside of a wine-colored glove that went well with my army uniform out of courtesy for others. It just didn't seem fair to subject them to the site of my marred appendage. I guessed that the others felt the same. 

"What can I do for you, sir?" I asked, my tone respectful, yet clipped. 

"One of the nurses must go home tonight due to illness, and I can't find another to substitute for her." He informed me, holding his hat in his hands in front of him. "Would you be willing to, if not anything else, just sit and talk to soldiers when they get restless. Nurturing is a key component to getting well." 

"I have no other obligations." I informed him quietly. 

"Very good." He smiled, then clapped me on the shoulder as he walked past, not even expecting a saluting from me. War changed formality. 

I felt rather guilty, for I had lied when I told him I had no other plans. My friend, Catherine, worked in a house of the richest family in all of the village. She was the personal maid to the Lady of the house, and I was formally a footman there, albeit one who was quite troublesome. I had stolen and accused, and in the end the only person who really loved me was Catherine. 

I let out a sigh knowing that I would have to ring the manor and talk to my old boss just to tell him that I wouldn't be meeting with my friend that evening. 

But at least I wasn't like most of the young men in here: half-dead with no hope. 

I walked the rest of the way to the room where I had originally been headed and entered just in time to see one of the tired nurses wobbling out of the room and on her way home. I sighed and walked over to a small group of nurses that were gathered in a tight group in the corner. "Excuse me, ladies?" I asked politely. 

"Hello, Corporal Lester." A fair woman greeted me, batting her eyelashes and smoothing out her apron. 

"What needs done?" I asked directly, trying not to get caught up in small talk. I wasn't interested in any of them, I had made that clear, and yet they continued to eye me up like meat on market day. 

"Nothing urgent at the moment." The same nurse answered, reaching out for me to pull me into the conversation. 

"There's always something to do." An older nurse scolded the girl. "But for now, Corporal, there's a young man who's spirits are low. Perhaps a good conversation would cheer him." She urged me, handing me his chart. 

I took the chart from her hands and examined it. The man, or should I say boy, was only nineteen, but had been blinded by gas out on the front lines. "Of course I'll talk to him. I'd be delighted." I said with a smirk. 

"Oh, I'm sure you would be." She retorted, her mouth set into a firm line. 

I turned on my heel to walk away, but not before hearing the older nurse give a warning to the younger. "It's best to stay away from Philip Lester, Lilly." The nurse sighed. "He isn't a lady's man."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Lilly asked.

I smirked at her confusion. For me, it was a very good thing. A very good thing, indeed. 

I made my way over to the bed number that corresponded with the one on the chart. A boy lay still in the bed, the area around his eyes was red and blistered, but his eyes were closed. "Hello, Daniel." I greeted him quietly as not to scare him, and pulled up a chair to his bedside. 

"Hello?" He replied quietly. He lifted his head up slightly and opened his eyes. His curly brown hair was sticking to his forehead from the humidity in the room and a thin line of sweat ran down his slightly tanned neck. 

"Yes, hello. My name is Philip." I said back gently.

"You aren't a doctor, are you, Philip?" He asked, his brow furrowing as he turned his head in my direction. 

"No," I replied, "I am-or was- a corporal in the medical corps." 

"Are you blind too?" He questioned. 

"No." I answered. "I severely wounded my hand." 

"Oh." He said simply. 

"Anyway," I said with a dry laugh, "The nurses have sent me over to try and cheer you." 

"Good luck with that." He replied forlornly. 

"Come now, Daniel! There must be something that makes you happy." I tried to reason with him. 

"Nothing could ever make me happy now." He stated. 

"Fine." I replied, "I'm going to get you some water, and by the time I return, I want you to tell me at least one thing that makes you happy."

"That's impossible!" He objected, trying to sit up as I stood. 

"You'll think of something, I'm sure." I chuckled as I walked away. 

I made my way to the water pitcher on the other side of the room. I poured some into a tin cup that sat beside it, then turned to look at Daniel from across the room. He was flopped in a starfish position on the bed, his brow slightly furrowed in concentration. 

I heard the click of women's shoes on the floor and turned to see Lilly advancing towards me. "Philip!" She smiled as she came to a stop in front of me. 

"Hello, Lilly." I sighed, putting on a fake smile.

"I see you're sitting with the blind one." She began, "I know he can be a real pain, so God bless you."

"A pain? How so?" I asked, a bit offended she would say something of that nature about such a sweet man. 

"He whines constantly, always going on about how he-" she started, but I cut her off.  

"What a rude person you must be to say such things about a boy who lost one of his senses during the war." I scolded, quickly filling the cup and hurrying back to Dan's bedside. I held the cup tightly in my hands and sat back down on the chair. "Have you thought of something yet, Daniel?" I asked quietly. 

"I-" he hesitated, "I like the smell of rain." 

"Well, then the next time it rains, we will go out into the courtyard." I stated. "But now, I believe it would be good for you to have a drink." 

He began to sit up, so I took one hand away from the tin cup and gripped his arm in an attempt to help him. Once he was up and resting against the iron bars acting as a headboard, I handed him the cup and made sure he had a firm grip on it before letting go and sitting back. He lifted it to his lips and drank, not speaking for several minutes as he drained the cup. "Thank you very much." He said quietly once he was done, holding out the empty cup to me. 

"Have you been getting water throughout the day, or do you only drink at mealtimes?" I asked, amazed at how quickly he had drank the water. 

"Mealtimes." He answered. "The nurses don't like me very much here." He added quietly. 

"Why do you say that?" I questioned, taking the cup from him and setting it down the floor beside me. 

"They tell me I can be a hassle. If I drink too much they'll have to take me to the loo, and getting me up and there wastes their time." He replied quietly, sounding almost ashamed to be telling me this information. 

"I will be talking to the head nurse about this." I fumed, clenching my hands into fists. 

"No, Philip-" he began, but stopped when I put my hand on his soldier. 

"You are my personal responsibility now. I promise you won't need to deal with these nasty women again." I stated sincerely. 

"Alright." He agreed. "But from now on call me Dan."

"If that is what you wish." I smiled, "Please return the favor and call me Phil." 

He would become my personal project of sorts. I was determined to make him happy. 

\---

I eventually persuaded the Sargent to allow me to care for Daniel full time. Though he had fixed me with a threatening look throughout our conversation, he put me in charge of the boy. I made up a lie about having terrible flashbacks, and that helping Dan kept my mind off of the terrors of the trenches, which immediately made his features soften. Apparently my acting had been so good, I had convinced him to let me move Daniel into his own room where I stayed as well. He slept on the bed and I in a chair that faced it. 

"Where did you attend school before the war?" I asked, dabbing a bit of ointment onto his blisters. I had been tending to him for nearly three days, and we still hadn't run out of things to talk about. 

"I was up at Oxford." He answered with a sigh. 

"That's a very notable school." I responded, continuing with my work as I gently started to rub the white paste into his skin. 

"It is, but I only ever planned to farm. Farm and shoot...and hunt and fish. All of which I shall never be able to do again." He replied quietly, a single tear running down his cheek, leaving a trail through an area where the healing medication hadn't yet been rubbed in. 

"Now, don't cry." I said soothingly, smoothing his curls away from his face. "There are plenty of things that you can do in life. Who says you can't hunt and fish? Farm and shoot? There are many impossible things in life that can be achieved through hard work and unbreakable faith."

"You speak in such a poetic way." He murmured back quietly, relaxing his face as I began to massage the paste into his skin once more. "Perhaps you should have attended Oxford and not me." 

I chuckled at his statement. "Perhaps not. I would have been kicked out. I was quite rowdy when I was your age." 

"My age? How old are you?" He questioned curiously. 

"I'm twenty-six." I answered with a sigh. 

"You're so old." He snickered.

"I'm offended." I replied back, not missing a beat.

"Oh, did you - wait." He stopped suddenly, then tried to sit up. "Did you hear that?" He asked.

"Hear what?" I asked, concerned. 

"That!" He said joyfully as the pings of water hitting the tin roof became louder. 

"It's raining!" He exclaimed. 

I grabbed his hand and helped him up. "We must go at once." I agreed, taking him by the arm and grabbing two towels that were lying on a chair that sat beside the door. I hurriedly led him down the stairways and halls to the back exit that lead out to a courtyard. While several other soldiers headed in, we ran out, dumping our jackets and the towels in a dry spot under an overhang. 

"Come on." He whined, tugging on my hand as I hesitated under the small ledge. 

"Alright!" I chuckled, letting him pull me out into the rain. 

Thunder clapped overhead, but I didn't see any lightning, so I decided that we would be fine for the time being. Dan jumped all over the place, basking in the rain. Water dripped down his chin and soaked his hair, drops falling from the end of his nose as he held his head up to the quickly darkening sky. A sliver of light was still visible, and it fell perfectly across his face, illuminating his appearance and making him look more beautiful than he already was. I wish I could have frozen that moment forever. 

"Let's dance!" He squealed, grabbing my hands and clumsily spinning around. 

"Dancing in the rain?" I asked, twirling him around. "That's a new one. I quite like it." 

"I do too." He giggled, his ringlets of brown curls dripping water down his face.

I let him jump around for a few minutes more. I could see a flash of lightening in the distance and decided it was time to go in. "I can see lightening a few kilometers away." I told him as I grabbed his hand and led him over to where we had let the towels. 

I handed one to him, which he promptly took and began to dry off his hair. His teeth chattered as we stood out of the warm summer rain and under the ledge. His thin shirt was soaked through and he had to be absolutely freezing, so I decided not to completely dry off and took his hand once more to take him inside. 

I led him up the steps as quickly as I could to his room, and once there helped him dry off a bit more. I pulled out the galvanized tub from under his bed, and took a fresh outfit from my drawer and quickly changed. "You go ahead and get out of those clothes. I'm going to go and get some water for a bath." I ordered as I put on my jacket. 

"Okay." He replied with a content sigh. 

I smiled and walked out of the room and down the stairs. I made my way to the kitchen, which was empty for once thank God, and took one of the huge soup pots and filled it with water in the sink. I then transferred it to the stove and turned the heat to the very highest setting. I let it on the heat for a few minutes, then took it off as it began to boil and took it up the stairs, managing to spill the minimum amount of scalding water on myself in the process.

I opened his door and waltzed in, dramatically humming a show tune I had heard while I was in the hospital in London. He was sat completely naked on the bed, and it was quite hard not to stare at him. I poured the water into the tub slowly, feeling accomplished when I realized that I would only have to make one more trip. 

I headed back down the stairs and repeating my earlier actions. I ran back upstairs, not wanting the bath to get cold or leave Dan alone for too long. I dumped the water into the tub, and after a few moments of skimming my hand through the water, I deemed that it was ready to bathe in. 

"Come along, Daniel." I said sweetly, grabbing his hand gently and pulling him up to stand. I guided him to the tub and he gingerly sat down within the warm water and let out a sigh. I took off my jacket and rolled up my sleeves to my elbows. I knelt down beside the tub and grabbed his bar of soap and a washcloth. "You go ahead and start washing, and I'll do your hair." I said, handing the things to him. I took off my glove and discarded it to the side, not wanting to ruin the leather. 

"Alright." He responded, dunking the soap and cloth under the water. He scrubbed a good bit of the soap onto his cloth, then handed the bar to me so I could start with his hair. 

"Here." I said absentmindedly as I brought up my free hand to lightly push forward in the space between his shoulder blades. He quickly caught on, and leaned forward and slipped his head under the water. He came back up quietly and wiped the water from his unseeing eyes before leaning back slightly. 

I soaped up my palms and started massaging it into his scalp. He hummed as I did, leaning back into my hands. I made sure to clean every strand of brown hair, and once I was done I cupped my hands and brought up handfuls of water to get the soap off of his head. 

I could see that he wasn't done washing, so I brought my hands to his back and began to knead his tense muscles. It was no wonder why he was stressed. Not being able to see really took the piss out of you.

"I can feel it, you know." He said quietly, running soapy cloth over his chest. 

"What can you feel?" I asked absentmindedly as I continued to work at his rigid muscles. 

"Your injury." He replied in a whisper.

"Oh." I responded, quickly pulling my hand from his back. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It reminds me that I am not alone." He sniffed. 

"There's no need to cry." I soothed him, running my hands down his back and over his shoulders. "As long as I am here, you shall never be alone."

"You are so kind, Phil." He whispered, leaning back into my touch as I began to massage his back again. 

Suddenly, there was a sharp knock on the door, and seconds later, Lilly burst into the room. "Hello - Oh dear God!" She exclaimed, putting a hand to her chest and adverting her eyes from Daniel's naked body. 

The boy squeaked when he heard her voice and quickly moved to cover his modesty. 

"Good God, woman! At least give us warning before you burst in!" I scolded. She quaintly looked at us, an expression akin to hurt and confusion adorning her face. 

Her bottom lip trembled, but I felt no pity. "Of course. I just have a letter for Daniel." She responded quietly, tears welling up in her eyes before she dashed off. She laid the envelope down on the bed, then left. She slammed the door as she fled, and the quick clicking of her heels grew fainter as she scurried off.

I cleared my throat, and took my hands off of his back. The spell that had once been over the room had been broken. "You finish washing up, and when you're done, I'll dump the water and we can read your letter. I'll lay your night  clothes out for you." 

\---

"Things cannot be as they were and, whatever you might think, Adrien has your best interests at heart." I read by candlelight. After I had dumped the water, helped Daniel change, and brought up an apple for us to share, I had finally found the time to sit down on the chair and read him his letter.

"Stop." Dan muttered quietly, sitting up in bed. 

"Who's Adrien?" I asked. 

"My younger brother." He answered. "He's been trying to replace me for ages now." He let out a humorless laugh. "But that's boring. Does the letter say anything more?" 

"Hey," I began gently, "You mustn't let people walk all over you. You have to fight your corner."

"With what could I fight? Without my vision I'm completely useless." He sighed miserably. 

"Your brain." I answered, placing my hand on his shoulder. "I've seen you, and you are no victim. Under no circumstances should you let them turn you into one." 

"When you say things like that, it makes me almost want to believe that what you say is true." He chuckled. 

"You should believe me." I replied back. "All of my life, everyone has pushed me around...because I'm different." 

"How? In what way are you different?" He asked earnestly. 

"Never mind why or how." I said quickly, retracting my arm from his shoulder. "Listen to me, Daniel. Nothing for us is certain, but I do know that you have the passion within yourself to fight back."

He went quiet, and I looked away. Then, quite suddenly, I felt him place his hand on my knee. Tears were filling up my eyes, but I refused to cry. He squeezed gently, and I placed my hand over his, gently interlocking our fingers as best I could. "Thank you." I whispered, stroking down the side of his hand with my thumb. 

"No. Thank you Philip Lester." He responded.

I sat, cradling his hand in mine for some time. Eventually I looked to the small bronze clock that sat atop his dresser and swore to myself when I saw the time. "Daniel, I think it's time to go to bed." I informed him quietly. 

"Not yet..." He whimpered, gripping my hand even tighter. 

"I'm afraid it's time." I sighed, squeezing his hand in mine once more before prying his fingers off. I knew that when morning came, he would be more in his right mind and be disgusted at our actions.

"Okay, then." He sniffed, pulling the covers tightly around himself. "Good night, Phil." 

"Good night, Dan." I said tiredly, rubbing the back of my neck in indecision. I contemplated saying something else, but I simply changed into my night clothes and sat down on the chair beside his bed. I settled down, covering my lap with a soft quilt that my mother had made for me before I went off to war. I sat, trying to sleep for several minutes when I heard rustling coming from Dan's side of the room. 

"Philly?" He said quietly into the blackness. 

"Yes?" I whispered back. 

"Well, it's just that..." he hesitated, "This bed is quite large, and you seem very uncomfortably in that chair." 

"So?" I responded. I wanted to hear him say what I thought he would. 

"Would you like to share with me?" He questioned softly. 

"Okay." I whispered, getting up from my seat and walking over to the bed. He scooted over toward the wall and away from the edge as I lifted the blanket and crawled in beside him. I caught the way he shivered as my cold feet accidentally touched his warm ones as I covered the both of us in the thick sheet. 

I stuck out my arm of habit, and he instinctively snuggled back into my chest. We cuddled for a while in silence until Dan rolled over so that he was facing me. "Is this wrong?" He whispered, his words slightly muddled as he pressed his face into my shoulder. 

"It depends on who you ask." I replied, reaching up my free hand to smooth down his hair. 

"How could anyone think that this is wrong when it makes me so happy." He sighed, throwing one leg over mine. 

"Because this isn't what everyone else does. It's unusual and people don't like change." I responded bitterly. 

"Well they must learn to accept it. Change is coming." He said quietly, his voice getting weaker as he continued his sentence and sleep overtook him. 

"That I am sure, but not for us." I whispered to myself softly.

\---

I awoke with a start, and squeaked in surprise when I felt my arms around someone. Last night suddenly came back to me with a rush, and I sighed as I relaxed back into the mattress. 

"You're finally awake I see." Dan laughed, then snuggled back into my arms. "Get it? It's a joke." 

I rolled my eyes at his self-depreciating humor, then hugged him back to me. "How long have you been awake?" I asked, my voice clouded with sleep. 

"For awhile now." He responded. 

"How long is awhile?" I mumbled back. 

"Well I can't very bloody well tell since I can't really look at the clock, can I?" He questioned grumpily. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered, rolling onto my back so he could comfortably lay his head on my chest. 

"It's fine." He murmured lightly, settling down onto me, and placing his head on the left side of my chest. 

"I want to stay like this for a time." I muttered, reaching down with my arm and stroking his back. I rubbed the area between his shoulders in slow circles, matching the tempo of his breathing. 

"I like listening to your heartbeat." He stated quietly after a few moments. 

"Well, you may listen to it any time you like." I responded quietly.

"That's a nice offer, but I will not be pleased until I may listen to your heartbeat always." He smirked, shuffling himself closer to me if that were possible. 

"You're a cheeky little monkey, aren't you?" I smiled fondly down at him, pulling him so he was laying on top of me. He let out a squeak at the sudden movement, and clung to me once he settled back down. "See, you even sound like a monkey." I teased, bringing my hands to his hips to steady him. 

"Don't move." He ordered quietly, bringing his hands up to rest on my shoulders. I stilled as he did, and even held my breath, not wanting to disturb him. "Stop holding your breath, you dummy." He chuckled, slapping my shoulder once he realized the absence of the rise and fall of my chest. 

I let out a snicker, and he continued with what he was doing. He brought his hands up and laid them on my cheeks. My breathing stuttered out for a moment, but it quickly regulated once he started to stroke my cheek bones with his thumbs. "Close your eyes." He whispered. 

I immediately did as he told me and let my eyelids easily slip shut. He ran his hands over the ridges and valleys of my face lightly, barely tracing my features with the smooth tips of his fingers. "I think you have a pretty face." He whispered down to me from his seat on top of me. 

"How could you decide that my face is pretty without truly looking at it." I asked, gently gripping his slightly squishy hips in my large hands. 

"Is beauty not more than an outward appearance? Isn't beauty what we are? What we are made of? Our laughs, thoughts, and opinions?" He breathed, leaning his face closer to mine. "For me, beauty was once the sight of bright red ornaments on a pine tree, or perhaps the moon when it lit up the darkness of earth at night. Oh, but now, my Dear, beauty is held within the vessel of a man with a radiant personality that shines so much brighter than the sun ever could. My world is pitch black, darker than any night, and you are slowly making it light again."

I stared at him in shock. Never had I ever been told such heartfelt words in my entire life. He moved his hands, and ran his thumb down over my lips, parting the bottom from the top. 

"I would very much like to kiss you." I whispered, his finger still resting on my bottom lip. 

"I would very much like for you to kiss me as well." He mumbled back, removing his finger from my lip. 

I reached up my hands and brought one up to cup his cheek and the other to rest on the back of his neck. I gently pulled his head down to mine, and his lips landed a bit to the side of my mouth. He giggled quietly, but readjusted quickly and pressed his soft lips against mine. I savored the feeling, and felt my heart speed up as he began to melt under my touch. He was about to open up his mouth against mine, but I slowly pulled away. 

"What are you doing?" He whined.

"We can't do anything like that here." I muttered back. "Besides, the doctor wanted to speak to you today, remember?" I reminded him. I wanted to continue, I truly did, but I had a feeling that he would be too loud, and people wouldn't hesitate to report us. 

"Give me until tonight, and I'll find a place where we can be as wild and passionate as you'd like." I promised. 

He lay his head back onto my chest with a sigh. "Fine." He groaned. 

"Okay, now we need to get up. From what I can see that clock reads nearly eight in the morning." I laughed, pushing him off of me gently. 

He groaned. "I should like to know what happens before eight in the morning that is so important." He sniffed indignantly as I sat up in bed, the mattress springs squeaking. 

"Try breakfast." I laughed. 

"Oh, then we must hurry!" He panicked, sitting up hurriedly in bed. 

I giggled at him fondly. He said I was beautiful, but it was clear he was mistaken. It was he that was the most beautiful person I had ever seen.

\---

"What?" I exclaimed, standing abruptly. My chair clambered to the floor behind me as it toppled from the sheer force against it. "This cannot happen!" 

"I'm afraid it must." The doctor sighed, shaking his head. "They say we cannot keep him here, and I am unable to argue. My hands are tied, Philip. Can you not see that?" 

"I must stay here! I'm not ready to move yet!" Dan cried from his chair, too weak from sobbing to stand on his own. 

"Philip, I know that you have become close to Daniel, but we cannot fight them on this. He lives in Oxford, and we must let the hospital there have him." He explained over Dan's soft weeping. "Now, you must go. Help him pack, help him get ready in the morning, and for God's sake, don't let him become more attached to you than he already is." 

"You are making a huge mistake, Sir." I replied through clenched teeth, moving to Dan's side and placing a hand on his shaking shoulders. "Come on, lets go." I whispered to the boy and gently grabbed his hand in mine. I helped him up and urged him toward the door. He wiped away at the tears on his splotchy red face with his sleeve and sniffed as I turned back to face the doctor. 

"Daniel, Philip." He said briskly as I reached for the doorknob. "You have a strange love, one that I cannot fathom or tolerate based upon my religious beliefs, but I have never seen something come quite so easily. Perhaps one day your love will be accepted." 

"One can only hope." I cracked back, pulling Dan to my side and opening the door. 

\---

I slammed his suitcase shut. We had been informed by a rather smug looking Lilly that a motor would come around tomorrow morning at six to collect Dan and his things before taking him to Oxford. I slowly lowered myself onto the bed beside Dan, and comfortingly placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." I whispered to him. 

"It isn't your fault." He replied quietly. 

"Is there anything you want to do, before you have to leave?" I asked, a lump forming in my throat at the thought of his departure. 

"I want you to take me to the forest." He murmured. He had mentioned his love for the woods before. 

"Of course, Love." I replied softly, reaching up to stroke his cheek. With my other hand I gently grabbed his wrist and pulled him up. "Lets go to the forest." I helped him put on his coat, then I grabbed mine and a few blankets. 

"Come on then." I murmured, grabbing his hand and leading him down the stairs and outside. When we got outside, he tried to remove his hand from mine, but I kept my grip firm. 

"Phil, let go! People might see!" He hissed lowly, trying to wrench his hand from mine. 

"Let them see. Let them look at us and be disgusted or offended. I don't care about them. I have found the person I was meant for, and I don't care who sees." I responded, swiping my thumb over his knuckles. 

"You'll get hung for saying things like that." He muttered in reply, but when I turned to look at him, his face was beet red.  

We continued to walk, hand in hand, which elicited some very strange looks from the passerby. I simple looked on and smiled, not caring about the scowls we got from almost everyone, spare a middle-aged woman and some children.

When we arrived at the edge of the forest, I readjusted my grip on his hand and pulled him closer to my side. "Stay very close to me." I ordered quietly in warning. There were an innumerable amount of roots poking out of the ground, and I refused to let Dan trip on one and break open his crown. 

We walked, or rather I walked and Dan stumbled, through the woods until I found a little clearing I deemed perfect to sit and talk in. We were far enough into the woods that we didn't need to worry about children wandering by, but not far enough to permanently lose ourselves in the dense lines of trees.

I laid out the blankets on the ground, then gently pulled Dan down to sit beside me with a few gentle tugs on his wrist. I let go of him once he had settled down, and moved my arm to wrap around him as he lent into me. He rested his head on my shoulder, and I held his waist, pulling him closer. I planted a few chaste kisses onto his forehead, which he smiled softly at. 

"What are you thinking, Darling?" I asked, noticing the look of concentration that had masked itself over his face. 

"I do have an ulterior motive for wanting to come out here." He admitted quietly, twiddling his thumbs.

"And what would that be?" I asked with a smirk, almost certain I knew where he was going with this. 

"I-I wa-want..." He trailed off, his face flushing red in embarrassment. 

I chuckled at this, but quickly stopped when he let out a low whine and buried his head in his hands. "Oh Darling, that was mean of me. I'm sorry." I apologized, feeling rather guilty about laughing. 

"No, it's okay." He sniffed, bringing his hands only centimeters away from his face. "I do suppose I sound rather silly."

"You sound perfectly wonderful. Now, what do you need, Love?" I asked, bringing up my hand to rest on the small of his back. 

"I believe the term for what I want is for you to fuck me." He mumbled quickly through his fingers. 

"Are you truly sure?" I asked, a bit taken aback at his proposition. I had done things with other people before, but none of them even compared to Daniel. 

"Quite." He responded, taking his hands away from his face fully and leaning into my side. "They want to take me away tomorrow, and I refuse to leave without knowing you in every way possible." As he finished his sentence, he upturned his head, so his lips were a few inches from mine. 

I lent down and kissed him gently, putting as much affection as I could into the soft and sweet kiss. As we kissed, he shrugged off his jacket, then tossed it to the side. He moved around, then finally decided to crawl onto my lap before looping his arms around my neck, only briefly breaking the kiss. I pulled back from him slowly, and he tried to follow my mouth with his, which made me laugh. "Wait a moment." I chuckled. I shrugged off my jacket and gently laid it aside, then began to unbutton each piece of my suit. 

"Don't let him get more attached to you than he already has!" 

The phrase rang through my mind, causing me to pause mid action. Was this truly what was best for him? Would having sex with him the night before he left really help him, or would it totally destroy all the progress we had made. 

"Are you okay, Philly?" He asked cautiously, noticing my lack of movement.

"I'm fine, just...give me a moment." I requested. "Are you sure you want this?" I asked again. 

"Gosh, Phil, I already told you yes!" He chuckled. "Come on," he said more seriously after I hadn't said anything, "I'm starting to think you don't want me." His smile turned into a frown, and he turned his head away before letting out a dry laugh. "I guess I would have expected that, though." 

"No, Darling, no!" I protested, bringing up my hands to cup his cheeks. I gently turned his head so that he was facing me, then brought my thumbs up to softly swipe the tears that had started to run down his cheeks. "I want you! I want every inch of you, from your pretty little head to your toes."

"Then why are you hesitating?" He cried, the tears continuing to fall.

"Because I don't want you to have any regrets. I want this to be perfect for you, my darling." I assured him. 

"Then touch me." He whispered. 

I didn't speak, but I gently rolled us over so that his back was on the ground and I was hovering over him. I made quick work of the rest of my clothing, throwing it down onto the ground beside the blanket, spare my underwear. I then lightly put my good hand to his shoulder and squeezed in a silent request to take off his shirt.

"Go ahead." He rasped out, nodding vigorously. 

I sat up a bit, then kneeled over him as I began to unbutton his shirt. After I undid the last button, I moved my hand down to gently palm the slight bulge in his pants, making him whimper.  

"Have you ever touched yourself sexually?" I asked him softly, undoing his pants and slowly dragging them down his hips, along with his undergarments. 

"No." He breathed, gripping the blankets beneath him between his fingers. 

"It shows." I chuckled, then wrapped a hand around his length and began to pump him up and down in my hand slowly. He let out a whine at my motions and tipped his head backwards. 

"It f-feels nice..." He whimpered breathlessly, and began to rock his hips up into my hand. "Oh mercy, Philly!" He gasped, arching his back slightly as I ran my thumb over his slit and spread the first few beads of liquid over his tip. 

"Do you want me to do more, Love?" I questioned, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his temple as I continued to give his length nice long strokes. 

"Oh, yes! Please, Phil!" He whined, reaching upwards and grabbing loosely onto my shoulder. "Anything, please! Just do something!" He pleaded, continuing to rock his hips. 

"Kick off your pants, then." I instructed, simultaneously working his already unbuttoned shirt off of his shoulders. I threw his clothes onto the pile of mine once they had been removed, then brought my hands back to the pale skin on his shoulders. I ran my hands down his chest, gently skimming over his nipples, making him shiver. 

"Philly?" He mumbled, bringing up his hands to grasp at my forearms. 

"Yes?" I questioned, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.

"Will it hurt?" He whispered, scrunching up his face in apprehension. 

"Well," I began, my tongue feeling heavy in my mouth, "It will hurt." He tensed and let out a whimper. "Shh, my love. I can do things to make it hurt less." I explained. 

"I don't want it to hurt!" He cried softly, letting tears gather in his eyes again.

"I promise you, I will do everything I can to make this as painless as possible." I cooed gently, running my hands over his chest again. "Do you think you can roll onto your stomach for me?" I whispered.

"Yeah." He sniffled, and I moved off of him to give him space. 

He did as I told him, then settled down onto his front. "Phil?" He questioned quietly. 

"Yes?" I replied, bringing my hands to his back and gently running my fingertips over his spine.

"You'll stop right? If I ask you to?" He whispered, twisting the blanket between his fingers. 

"Of course, Dear." I reassured him, finally bringing down my hands to faintly rest over his bottom. He let out a little gasp as I gently squeezed each cheek. "Spread your legs for me." I requested softly, interjecting my hands between his tightly closed thighs and slowly coaxing them open. 

I spread out the globes of his bum and gazed greedily at his pretty pink hole, all puckered and clenching because of its exposure. I lowered my head, and planted light, feather-like kisses down his spine to the base of his back, making him shiver in anticipation. 

"Phil, are you about to-" He began, but I cut him off as I let my tongue slipped past my lips, and softly pressed the tip to his hole, and licked a long, sensual stripe all the way down to the base of his balls. 

At this action, he squirmed and whimpered, grabbing onto the blankets and throwing back his head to let out throaty moans of pleasure. "Oh, Phil!" He gasped out, syllables getting stuck on his throat as I lifted a hand to gently trace around the rim of his hole. 

"You really are sensitive, aren't you?" I chuckled to myself. He nodded vigorously, and began to rut against the blanket before stopping and letting out a moan. "What's wrong?" I asked at his sudden stop. 

"It feels too good!" He cried, pushing his bum back towards me, his body begging for me to touch it. I finally moved my head up, then positioned my mouth over his entrance. I moved my hands to his hips, and gripped them tightly, keeping them in place as I continued to blow over his quivering hole. 

"Phil, please!" He pleaded, whimpering pathetically and grinding his bottom back onto nothing. He now kneeled in front of me on his knees with his torso slumped over. 

I decided to stop teasing him, and finally pressed my nose between his tense cheeks and let my tongue dart out of my mouth. I circled his hole quickly, then probed my tongue slightly inside of the tight ring of muscle. "Ah! Good God Phil!" He moaned loudly, and pushed his bottom even further into my face. I began to lap over his hole, eliciting a near-scream from Dan. His body shook as I dipped my tongue further into him, running the tip against his walls. 

I abruptly stopped when he cried out, his back arching and head tipping back. He let out a whimper when I pulled away from his bum, and slowly let his grip loosen on the blankets between his fingers. 

"Here, suck." I ordered, reaching and sitting up, then putting my fingers to his lips. He hesitantly opened his mouth and greedily took in my fingers. His tongue ran over them and swiped saliva all around, getting them ready to stretch him. 

"That's good." I muttered, taking my fingers out of his mouth gently. I pulled my digits from his lips, and a long string of saliva came with them, which made me feel even warmer and made Dan seem even more alluring. I moved back, and sat in between his open legs once more, then took a few seconds to admire his body. 

My eyes wandered up his spine to his shoulders, and then from his shoulder, back down to his plump bum. I gave it one last squeeze, then brought up two of the wet fingers to his needy hole. I gently rested the tip of one finger against him, before muttering a warning and slowly inserting it. 

Dan let out a shrill cry as I moved my finger around inside of him. I made the rest of the stretching process fairly quick, but thorough. I stretched him until I though he was ready for another finger, asked him if he was okay, then inserted another and continued the process. After I worked him up to four fingers, he started to moan through the tears that spilled during the process and pushed back against my hand, craving something deeper. "I want more, Philly!" He whined.

"This might hurt a bit, Darling." I reminded him, slowly pulling out my fingers and spitting into my palm. 

"I don't care! I want you!" He whimpered, turning his head towards me so I could see his expression. He looked a wreck, cheeks red, bottom lip trembling, and his unseeing eyes glassy. 

"Alright, alright...shhh." I whispered calmingly, bringing my dry hand up to stroke down his back soothingly. I let my other hand slowly start to stroke myself, slicking up my erection with as much spit as I could. 

"Phil..." He begged, pushing his hips down and into the blankets.

Something in my head growled as he pleasures himself against the blankets. I felt a carnal urge to claim Dan build up in my chest, and I let out a snarl as he grunted in bliss. In one fluid motion I grabbed his hips and flipped his entire body over. He let out as squeak of surprise as I grabbed both of his wrists, then transferred them to one hand and pinned them down to the ground. 

I leaned down, my mouth directly beside his ear. "You're mine, Daniel Howell. Only I can make you feel good." I growled, then attached my lips to his neck, directly under his ear. He let out a long choked out whimper, and struggled out of my grasp to reach his hands over my shoulders to claw at my back. 

"I'm yours!" He gasped out, ending with a hiccup. "Yours, yours, yours!" He cried out. I stopped my assault on his neck, then smiled when I saw a purple bruise already forming. "More, Philly, please! I want more!" He hiccuped, his voice borderline hysterical as he began to arch his back and move his hips in a desperate search of friction.

I moved my hands to his hips, and pushed them down, effectively stopping his thrusts into the air. "Patience, Love." I muttered, then released one hip and brought my hand to grip at my cock and line it up with Dan's swollen hole. His rim was pink and puffy from the stretching, and I gently pressed my tip directly to its center. 

I let go of myself and spat into my hand again, then rubbed it directly onto the red and pulsing tip of my length. It was better to have too much spit rather than too little, in my experience at least. I then lined myself back up with his hole, wasting very little time with my second attempt. I pushed myself in slowly, then used one hand to stroke his nipples and lowered my head to push chaste kisses to his lips as he began to sob from the pain, all the while keeping my grip tight on his one hip. 

"I know it hurts, I'm sorry, Love." I apologized, kissing up and down his jawline as he got used to the stretch and full feeling. I began to tweak his sensitive nipples as a distraction, which only made him whimper and squirm a bit underneath me.

"Move." He pleaded quietly after a few minutes of sniffling and heavy breathing. "I'm ready."

"Alright." I replied softly, slowly moving my hips back.

He let out a whimper at the action, and quickly reached up to grab my forearm in a vice-like grip. He clenched his teeth, and let out a garbled moan as I pulled almost the entire way out, then began to push slowly back in. As I pushed in, I angled my hips differently, searching to find his special spot. Every man I had ever been with had keened and whimpered like a needy puppy whenever I had found "the spot," as they called it. As I continued to drag myself in and out of Dan's tight walls, he finally wrapped his legs around my body, pulling me down and further into him. 

This surprised me. It wasn't like Dan was large or anything, in fact it was quite the opposite. He was thin, so thin you could see his ribs, but all of the fat he seemed to have collected was in all of the right places. His cheeks, hips, thighs, and butt had seemed to gain the small chub while everywhere else remained as thin as a twig. 

"God, God, God, God, God!" He screamed in quick succession, pulling me from my thoughts. He wrapped his legs even tighter around my hips, then brought his arms up and over my shoulders to claw at my back again. "Go f-faster, please!" He stuttered out, his lips red from biting them and his forehead dropping with beads of sweat. 

I obliged to his request and began to snap my hips faster than before, and leaned down on my elbows so I could use the leverage to keep my thrusts even and steady. I grunted as he began to clench around me, his tight heat enveloping myself in a way that no other man had ever done. He continued to claw into my shoulders, he blunt nails finally breaking the skin. I winced at this, and slowed my pace, leaving Dan whimpering and squirming around on the blanket beneath me. 

"Why did you stop?" He panted, catching his breath and lowering his legs from around my waist. This action caused me to move inside of him slightly, making Dan wince and tighten his grip on my shoulders. 

"Let go for a moment." I said gently, but through gritted teeth. 

"Sorry." He apologized sincerely and quickly letting go of my shoulders.

I pulled out of him completely, then kneeled in front of him on top of my feet. "Can you roll onto your side?" I asked, lowering my hand to trace the long lines of blue viens in his right arm. He didn't answer me, but gently rolled himself onto his right side, keeping his legs together and giving me a good look at his bum. I never realized how cute and perky it was until now, and to say it didn't send a spike of arousal through me would be a lie.

I rolled onto my side as well, facing his back, and pushed one hand between the crevice of his thighs then gently lifted his one leg away from the other. I placed my hand firmly in the crook of his knee and let his leg bend. I squeezed my base with my free hand, and softly nudged it between his pale cheeks. I pressed the tip to his puffy rim and slowly pushed in, making Dan let out a squeak. 

His hole practically ate up my cock, taking it as he wiggled back towards me. He let out airy moans as I began to pick up the pace slightly, slamming my hips up and hitting his bottom. He threw his head back against my shoulder as I grunted and filled him up. His hair was even curlier than before and his eyes were rolling back in his head as I leaned down and started to leave purple bites on his exposed shoulders. 

Dan's keens and whines never stopped, and I guessed that from this angle, I was able to access his prostate better than before. "Phil!" He cried out, reaching back and tugging on a handful of my hair. "My stomach feels so funny! Oh God!" He moaned, rocking back on me as I continued to pummel into him. 

"When it feels too good, let go, Angel." I instructed, tightening my grip on his leg as I pounded into him roughly. I could feel myself getting close to my tipping point as well, and I new that I wouldn't last much longer. I held out, though, continuing the rigorous pace I had set. 

"I th-think it's happening!" He groaned, his body shuttering from pleasure. 

"Let go." I murmured in his ear. I thrusted into him two more times before he clenched around me and let out a long, loud scream of explicatives as he released. I didn't last long after that, only thrusting in once more after he reached his high before I was coming, too. 

I slowly pulled out of him, and he let out a soft moan. He threw his head back to rest on my chest, and let out little pants, his breathing still ragged. My now flaccid member laid flat against his bottom, and I looked down in fascination as my release ran out of him and down the backs of his thighs.

"I think I love you." He whispered, his voice quivering and soft. 

"I'm positive that I love you." I replied, my voice much the same. 

In that moment, I knew that whatever might come was harmless. Nothing in the world would tear us apart. The world was changing. It would never be the same. But, that was the beauty of it. It wouldn't be the same, and I wouldn't let it be. 

"Do you remember how I told you about how much I loved astronomy?" I asked, gripping his waist and pulling him close. 

"Yeah." He breathed. 

"Well, there is an infinite number of stars in our universe, and it seems very much the same with people, but somehow, I managed to find you." 

Maybe my judgement wasn't coming. Perhaps God saw that I was already going to hell for being me. Being not good enough for heaven. Maybe he decided to let me enjoy my life with the angel he sent for me. 

But maybe God just didn't exist. Maybe the skeptics were right. Maybe I just didn't care, because I loved him. He loved me. 

And in the end, nothing else really mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it! I tried to be as historically accurate as possible, so I apologize if there are any inaccuracies. I hope to get the next installment of Boy That You Love up over Thanksgiving break, so look out for that! Goodbye until next time!


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